I hate not knowing the answer. I know because I've been dealing with that feeling this whole week. I've come across some very good questions, and I've been trying to come up with some answers, so far unsuccessfully.
Why can't I come up with the answer? I don't know, but I can think of a few possibilities, none of which I like very much.
First of all, I might be in over my head. There might be an answer to the question. There might be a very good answer even. I'm just not smart enough to figure it out.
I don't like this possibility much. I'm a proud man, and I like to think of myself as the kind of person who knows all the answers. Especially when it comes to mental challenges, I'm reluctant to admit that I need someone else's help.
What's more, these questions don't seem all that difficult. It's not like we're dealing with nuclear physics or anything. These seem like the kind of questions I should be able to answer, but I'm just not able to.
The other possibility is that these questions might not have an answer. I like that possibility even less. I am aware that in the real world not every question has a definite answer, but saying that there is no answer feels like a cop out.
Besides these are important questions that deserve serious consideration. If I say that there just isn't an answer it feels like I've admitted defeat.
Some people can be happy not having the answer to the questions life throws at us. Unfortunately I am not one of those people, at least, not by nature. I need to feel like I know the answers.
With time I could probably learn to live with uncertainty, and indeed I may have to, but for now it's really bugging me.
Hopefully I'll be able to find some answers soon.
An excerpt from Rachel Held Evans’ new book
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